One Year Ago Today

It's been exactly One year today since we said goodbye to our little sweetheart. Oh how I miss my baby!!!!!! It seems so long since I held or kissed him. Today we remembered him by going to Primary Children's Hospital and seeing Dr. Swoboda and Abby. Abby had called and made arrangements for us to walk around PICU and see some of the rooms we spent months in . We also saw some of the people that took care of Karson. It was a good feeling to be there because that was such a big part of our lives.

All I can say is to be so thankful for your little kids.

Catching up

Hadley waiting for the bus on the 1st day of school.

You may think this is a weird picture to post but this was a HUGE deal for me to throw this away.

We went to the Zoo with Jayda (my friends daughter that's part of our family)

Hadley loves Jayda so much!

This is Jesse from Toy Story

Hadleys favorite toy that she got of karsons was his Jesse

We had to come visit his grave on Halloween and send him some balloons. Halloween was harder for me than I thought it would be. We had such a good time at trunk or treat last year with the kids.

We always go and see Grandpa Nay on Halloween.

Hadley is attached to her great G-pa

Our first date was on January 26,2002 and we've been together ever since.

Darren was in Oregon at the Goonies beach(you can see the rock in the back ground)

I love my boy!

I know I probably post the same pictures every year but oh well. One of the best day's of my life December 13th, 2002.

One of our traditions is to go to Temple Square every year.For those of you that don't know we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints. This is the Salt Lake Temple where Darren and I were married. It's Beautiful!

The Christus at Temple Square

2011 Christmas Tree

Hadley choking Hank on Christmas Eve

Christmas Day with her new baby boy and the real Jesse Hat

I have to brag about how handy Darren is. He built this doll bed for Hadley and he sewed everything for it but the blanket and it has a drawer that rolls under it.

I thought I better catch up before more time has passed. I don’t know why it’s been so hard for me to blog. Ever since Karson died I’ve had a hard time feeling like blogging or really doing anything for that matter. I know it would be therapeutic for me so I’ve decided to do better. I feel bad that I haven’t kept people updated on Hadley and what she’s been doing . I’ll be honest this last year has not been easy for any of us. Sometimes I feel that I should be doing better with my grieving than I am but all I can do is my best. I was proud of myself a couple of months ago I threw away his medications and some other things that I didn’t think I would ever get rid of. Things are up and down all the time but I assume that’s how are feelings will be until were with Karson again. I was reading the paper the other day about a family that lost their two little girls and the dad said “ we will never get over it but we will get through it”. I can understand that.

Hadley is such a blessing to us! She is so sweet and has so much compassion for other people especially people with disabilities. She constantly talks about Karson and how much she misses him. Tonight she was sitting in the bathtub and she said mom” if I had a wishbone from a turkey I would wish that Karson was alive and healthy”. I just reminded her that he is but he’s in Heaven. It’s been hard for her she’s suffered from alot of anxiety and some panick attacks but what do we expect with all that she has seen and been through. She definitely isn’t as care free as most children. She’s alway’s so worried if any of us get sick because she so scared of dying or that we’re going to die and even her dog. No child should have to worry about dying! She has been to counseling and she see’s her school counselor but I think what helps the best is her talking to us and of course her dog Hank. There were a few times we thought we made a mistake by getting him but he has helped her soooo much. She asked me if I thought that Karson was with her all the time and I told her that he’s with her a lot of the time but he’s serving a mission and teaching people the gospel then she asked me if he comes back to her after he’s done giving the lesson. She’s such a faithful little girl. We love her so much!